I Wait and Listen for the Call

I Wait and Listen for the Call

I used to wait and listen for the call
The call to whisk these dreams into passion
To turn this angst into art
To cruise into the sunlit paths of discovery
Then to rise up…
Feeling the tension and nervous energy
That threatens to destroy my sanity
Disengaging the emotions
Those, which sew knots deep within my belly
Where all real, true, and deep emotions lie
…and they lie and wait, and they grow…
Churning small fears into confidence
Insecurities that I can’t let go, into love…
Then BANG! They hit you like a blow to the solar plexus…
Like the one that tells me,
I just need to be me
And she’ll come to me
And love will puff our sails into the open sea
And the path will come to me
And every thing I’ve ever seen and wanted
Eventually we’ll realize it all, you see…
These are not just frustrated dreams,
Angry and jealous of those who I want to be.
No my brothers and sisters,
They’re the forces that say
I’m going to be the best… dot dot dot…
… Writer that ever put the pen to a pad…
… b-boy that uprocked and waved body to rhythm…
… poet/mc that ever graced this mic…
… Time Magazine’s “Man of the year” that benefited many and made a difference…
… chef to cook you the stew that warms the soul…
… boyfriend, lover, supporter, biggest fan, man for you…
… voice that sang the best goddamn Usher cover in the history of Village Karaoke!

(it’s seven o’clock on the dot, I’m in my drop top cruising the streets… I
got a real pretty, pretty lady that’s waiting for me… I pull up,
anticipating good love don’t keep me waiting… I got plans to put my
hands in places I’ve never seen girl you know what I mean.)

I used to wait and listen for the call…
You see, for me, it’s taken forever…
I stood alone, my mind pacing with my heart racing
Not knowing which road,
Which drug to take to wash me away…
Fishburne in my motherfucken head asking,
“Which pill, the red or the blue?”
To finally know the truth goddammit!
Nervous and anxious,
I scream of choking in my sleep
And dream of rotting teeth
And a lethal cocktail of A positive and B
Like an internal rupture that bleeds uncontrollably,
Sending me six feet beneath
Shit, now I know I’m crazy!
Cuz I’m smokin this weed wondering why Can’t it Be
All So Simple… to find the higher path…
“But for now it’s all a big dream”, I thought…
Like Ghostface said, “cuz I find myself in the place where I’m last seen.”
See me standing the same corner,
The same scene, the crime scene
Where I placed my own hands on my throat,
Pulled that trigger,
Popped the red and the blue…
(and the green, and that white one with the Mercedes stamp…)
The crime scene where I let myself die,
Didn’t help myself up, I walked away…
Then walkin the same beat…
Hearing the same old shit,
Shifting uneasily when I sit
Tired and sick of the same fucken rhymes that I spit.
Don’t want to fight the hunger anymore, shit!
I’ve led my emaciated soul to my downfall
Always waiting and listening for that call.

But one day, realizing,
That shit that brought me down,
That stick that whipped and left me bruised,
The shot that straight murdered my spirit and left a gaping hole…
Well, that’s the same shit that gave birth to me and
Unlocked the cage for my nascent soul.
In my belly, the lion’s den, I test my passion and desire.
In the den of lions is where my dreams are born then challenged.
Where honesty, pragmatism, integrity, and all the virtues of my
strongest being are manifested to keep me from ever dying
Where my character now stands tall and straight
And with determination, I carry my own weight
So there won’t be any hearsay or hate
And it’s that which liberates and emancipates…
Elucidates the open road to love and elation.
See, I’ve learned to embrace those emotions
That led to the creation of…
Me.